5/19/00

I could not shake this terrible fep mood I have been in all week. EVERYTHING aggravates me...the very clothes moving across my skin. I even slept last night. Maybe it's something in the air. Maybe I am getting over bored. One thing's for sure: it's not a good thing. Most of the time I am an overly kind person...forgiving...cute...lax. But this week I had to struggle not to murder half my office because they were simply there. I get this outragous fits rarely...but jesus when they hit it's like nothing you've ever seen. Right now I am listening to part of Orff's Camina Burana, O Fortuna. I only listen to it when I am raging in molten, seething fury. Somehow it calms me. For those who have no idea what I am talking about its the instrumental piece that they always play in movies...very evil, very intense, very loud. I play it even louder. Not only does it calm the fever but it serves as a notice: if you value your life keep the fuck away." I'm feeling much better.

Today I realised I should never marry and I should never have children. I don't want to expose the innocent to this hellish fury. Sure I controll it. I've been around over 20 years--no head lines yet. But, even this suppressed fury is not fun to be around. I'm cranky...mean...and rude. Possibly from holding the fury in or because I can't kill any one. Shrug.

Still reading the Fountainhead: still love it...it I think makes me uncomfortable. The best kind of book really. It makes you question your self.

Okay so now I am a little more miffed. I have two copies of Camina Burana...have not found a copy that i think is a decent repoduction of this Ode. Sigh. At least it's better than nothing. And the liner notes has the orginal Latin. Beside's Irish...I love latin. Studied it for 3 years...and I still go back from time to time. I love it's simplicity, it's complexity. It taught me my grammer.

6:21:00 PM -- Email -- Link -- 0 Comments

Main Page

0 Comments:

Post a Comment