5/6/00

I think I enjoy torturing myself. I'm listening to U2's Achtung Baby, specfically So Cruel. It's been reverberating in my head for a year or so now. I am having some problems with my best friend. We've known each other for almost 8 years, started in highschool, I can honestly say she saved me from god knows what. But, she's isn't the same person anymore and I have been living some sort of fantasy. But this song, So Cruel, can almost sum up my feelings right now. This is probably a topic best saved for my other online journal, but it's up yet. Grin. I just need to talk it out I guess.

I'm only hanging on to watch you go down...my love. And I pretty much followed her down. Her everypain was my pain. We crossed the line. Who pushed you over? It doesn't matter to you. It matters to me. I look upon her as my sister. I don't much of a family left. She was a big part of what I considered family. I'm rereading this lyrics. Almost every line can be applied...sigh. I hate to have to let her go. To stay with her I'd be a fool. Why do I hang on to the hurt? Am I afraid of the emptiness that it would leave? Yeah, I am. That and I don't like or want to give up on people. That's not what I do. But, sweetheart, you're so cruel.

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