12/21/00

Okay so the holdays are beginning to drive me over the edge. I feel so bad. I emailed my da to tell him I can't visit him for the weekend--combo of weather and the beginnings of a cold--oh and christmas wiping out my bank accoutn and leaving me 3 bucks to my name. Sigh.

Oh and have I told you lately I hate my mother? God--that woman--why do I keep trying? Do I enjoy the mind numbing rejection? I must be addicted to getting my heart ripped out and thrown to the floor. A renuzit candle for fucks sake!!!! Well--this is the last holiday I will admit to having a family. I am sooo extraordinarily tired of dealing with this hurt. I give up!! Krystal is dead---she died a few years ago and her body has long since decomposed. Birdwell lives and will live forever. New Year and New Century gift to my self--A fucking legal name change.

I have tried for years now...and that fucking brick wall is beginning to break some skin. I get the point now.

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