7/6/02

What kind of dog is a peek-a-poo??? You guessed it, my mother blogged. (There's a link on the mouth) Signifance?? There is if you want there to be. It's better than what was there before.

People ask me what it feels like to be a mother. Before, I really didn't know what it felt like. I thought it didn't feel any different than before I had Micci. (Also its hard to remember, or think of a time when he wasn't in my life...it's like a weird cause of amnesia) Anyway, I found out that I have changed since being a mom and it definately feels different.

I have a lot more fears now. And I get more emotional and upset...especially when it concerns children. I have all kinds of terrible fears and thoughts about bad things happening to Micci. It's especially strong after I see or hear of a disturbing event concerning children...or just a distrubing event. Like if the plane I was on was hijacked and they began killing Americans (prompted by a story on Montel about a hostage situation 10 or so years ago)...what I would do with Micci to prevent him from being killed also. SIDS scares me ALOT. Since, SIDS is a nother way of saying we have no idea why the baby died...it seems like there is no way to prevent it. I check Mic alot when he's sleeping. I get scared if he sleeps to long for example. I have a great fear of a car crashing into the house and killing him. (Our house is small and his room is in the front of the house). Don't laugh, cars crash into house all the time. The flooding we are having...that scared me I tried to imagine what we would do if our car got caught in a flash flood.

Yeah I am being a bit neurotic, but I think that is what being a mom is.

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