Dark Heart
by Birdwell
5/27/00

Okay. I understand why my mum went ballistic and "disowned" me. (Apparently Krystal Evans her daughter is dead, which is fine by me i killed her nearly 5 years ago) I just don't understand how.

Why: Differing religious beliefs (I am going to hell), different views on life and everything, rejecting the name she gave me (honestly Krystal dosn't feel like it's me!), not liking her husband and appreciating all he and she did for me, "corrupting" my sibs (ha they have eyes!), not playing the dutiful daughter and picking up the slack for her...(sorry I had 18 years of picking up the slack and watching my 2 brothers and step father sit on their fat asses watchng tv and farting--so what if I am a wee bit bitter).

My explaination: I am not ungrateful. I am very appreciative of them providing shelter, transportation, and the occasional meal. However...I don't need such things...they are nice...it's luxury...what I need..to live to breathe...is understanding and acceptance...emotional support and encouragement. And above all to be ME!! I can't be something i am not...it is wrong in every definition of morality. I wanted support. I didn't need mum and her husband telling me I am insane, I have a problem and i won't get anywhere unless I get help. My aspirations and goals are not pipe dreams. I wanted shelter from the storm. My family is and was the storm. And I pray to whatever god is out there that my brother and sister will survive it (I know that my other brother is already too far gone).

How: I don't know how a mother can abandon her child in the most desperate time in her life for a second time. And not realise that THAT is more hurtful and damaging than anything else she may feel i have done to her. As far as I am concerned I lost my mother whenI was 6 and she re-married.

Hell, she may even read this. I don't care...this is how i feel...and folks that is my reality. You know I almost wish she had died...cause it would not hurt as much as this. yes yes awful thing to say but true.

So it goes. And in a week...I'll stop prattering on about it. it's still too fresh..the stabs still bleeding.

1:03:00 AM -- Email -- Link -- 0 Comments

Main Page

0 Comments:

Post a Comment



Birdy's Knits, shop and blog
Check Out My Knitting Blog!

Site Feed



DAILYBOOTH

Your life in pictures!


join today!


www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from Birdwell. Make your own badge here.


-------------



-------------

Ten Things I've Said Before Today:

What do you do when you're feeling down?? I buy n...
I'm thinking of changng the name of this blog...Du...
Sorry for the day I missed..grin...seems I am preo...
Gavin called me Birdy. Awww, I feel loved. Grin....
Well...it happened. My parents...my mother...fina...
My parents had the nerve to put some of the blame ...
I am sure after a while you all will get tired of ...
ARGH!!!!!!!!! Fucking little twit!! Couldn't fin...
Irony: The driver's name was Chris, the boyfriend ...
I just realised how attach I am to my computer and...


-------------

What I talk About:
- Birthdays
- Blog Business
- Books
- Cleaning
- Daily Rant
- Food
- Holidays
- Homeschooling
- Just For Fun
- Kid Antics
- Kid Pics
- Knitting
- Mr. Murphy
- Music
- Obsessions
- Politics
- Surgery
- Texans
- Weather

-------------

Internal Links of Interest:


Official NaNoWriMo 2006 Participant
Writers BLOCK

Knit Bits

The Preggo Blog

the Archives

Oldest Archives

Birdy's Wishlist

Jamey's Wishlist

Micci's Wishlist

Lorelei's Wishlist

Micci's Photo Album

This is me

Blogger Profile

Vox

-------------

External Links of Interest:


Mother Knows Best

Dooce

The Superficial

Caroline

Meg

Slashfood

Knitting Curmudgeon

Knitty

Queer Joe's Knitting Blog

Go Knit In Your Hat

The Girl From Auntie

I'm Knitting as Fast as I Can

The Blue Blog


Webdesign by Birdwell Productions Powered by Blogger
© 1998-2008 Birdwell Productions