7/7/00

It was so completely pointless.

I just read the first 15 pages of White Plague by Frank Herbert. It's about the "Troubles" (that phrase it gets me...I suppose that the irish...always understated) in Ireland. Those 15 pages described in detail a car bomb exploding in the midst of a busy Dublin intersection. It was the hardest 15 pages I have ever read...each page each word harder to get through. Until number 15 when I could not go on any more and I just sobbed. I sobbed from the deepest, most secret place in my soul. I sobbed so hard it hurts...but somehow it lessened the pain I already felt. I have tried to write that story...somehow communicating my own "experiences," those ghost images I see sometimes behind shut eyes. I never could...it was too painful.

I kept telling my self it isn't real--it did not happen. But it did...it did for many many years and so many innocent people died. Was it worth it?? Really--was it fucking worth it!! What have they accomplished?? I can not see it. So what self fucking rule, a united ireland in some foggy future?? All I see is distrust, bitterness perpetuated. That is what the "Troubles" did for Ireland. I am glad, finally the bitterness and distrust was laid aside. Overjoyed. But the cost...was it...the price was is worth it? What can our children really say about it? My great grand daddy killed a baby for Ireland??

I don't know this always affects me so much. My mum thinks it's a sign of manic depressive behaviour (a symptom of bi-polar disorder). Fuck her I say. What ever the reason...ireland and I are wed and joined in our souls. And what hurts ireland and her people hurt me as well. (Grand things for an American to say...then again I have never considered myself american) As I try to reason this out...find a cause and an explaination I will leave my loyal readers with this: When we hurt others is it really worth what we "gain"??

9:44:00 PM -- Email -- Link -- 0 Comments

Main Page

0 Comments:

Post a Comment