7/6/00

Too many thoughts!!!

This feeble language is not enough to hold them--to decifer them. Yet at the same time too poignant! It has been said that language creates thought...more correctly ideas. With out the proper language to express ideas...ideas are not possible. Perhaps not impossible just dormant. So many blazing pieces of thought are searing through my brain, almost overwhelming in it's roman candle intensity. And so many other thought or ideas lay billowing, amorpheus. Existing but with out form.

So I crave the proper language to give those ideas form...I also shrink from the idea because of it's promised intensity. I cry to heaven for help. I cry to a void for understanding.

I have broached this subject several times in this log...why I do this--why I write here...why I write at all. I cannot call this forum a "weblog" by it's definition. I don't log the web...I log myself and my thoughts. I send them reeling through this void day after day vainly hoping for a response, a glimmer of it's soul--it's population. Why? It's plain...too plain for me to spell out. I should liek to have a small device...a web phone of somesort...so I could "blog" anywhere. So I can share the true immediacy of my thoughts, ideas, and feelings with this populated void.

I have been keeping detailed journals for 4 years now. I have 4 volumes of an intense daily journal. Now I have this blog--something I can truly share. I have always meant to share those detailed journals of mine, but that was always in the future. But here...here it's immediate. So immediate that my former hand written detailed journal lies almost abandonded. No longer the primary outlet for my nebulous crazy ideas...no longer intense as it used to be. Dubh Croi has taken that rein and Animus left a little duller for it.

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