5/22/01

So, my day today turned from bad to absolute fucking shite. I though I had solved the problem, I felt good...I made my way through the other side of hell. When satan herself bungles her way into my cube and makes her pithy airy accusations and barbs meant to hurt me. And it did--I hate crying at work. Though lately my team sees it when ever I recieve a visit from my mother---well tears or irish sailor swearing.

See, my problem is I keep trying to believe that she is a good mother, that she cares and she loves me. I try to convince my self that this problems can be worked out. She tells me she loves me and I have a place in the family--but it's the action and the tone behind the words that make me not believe her.

I have tried for 5 years. I have run into that brick wall so many times my soul is scarred. Why do I keep turning around and bashing my face against the wall? When will I just realise that there is no hope--she will never be the mother I want and need.

Tell me--how do I stop?

11:17:00 PM -- Email -- Link -- 0 Comments

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