1/23/08
So It Goes
I have had a pretty sucky 24 hours. All I want to do is find a tree and become a hermit. People are letting me down and I am tired of it. Perhaps I give people to much credit. It's easy to be rude. It's easy to hide and never tell people that you have a problem with them. It's easy not to work things out like adults. It's easier to retreat into a clique and make others feel like crap. It's easier to try to turn everything around and make it someone else's fault...and project all of your vices onto some one else. So it goes.
At heart I am a pretty reserved person and I don't trust easy (given my background it's NOT surprising--I've been let down by EVERYONE that was supposed to take care of me and love me). But when I do let my guard down--I let it all down and I love with my whole heart. Now this is biting me in the arse. I am debating this whole let's meet new people "thing"--strangers are just friends unmet. So it goes.
I am feeling pretty used up right now. I care too much and I forget to keep some back for myself. So it goes.
This is why rule 3 is so important. This rule keeps you from breaking hearts and friendships. If YOU have a problem with someone TELL them. I don't do "friend" politics very well. I am pretty straight forward and honest. I don't do cliques and I don't do backbiting. This is immature childish crap. And y'all: I haven't been a child since I was 3 years old. I haven't had the luxury of immaturity. So it goes.
I tend to think the best of people. However, lately I am thinking the worse. I hate it. It goes against my nature. I can only hope that my lousy memory finally pays me back. "We forget because we MUST." So it goes. 5:14:00 PM -- Email --
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2 Comments:
Oh lovey, I am so sorry you are hurting.
I am not good with friend politics, tend to avoid being part of groups or cliques, as I just can't find a way to feel at home,and I love with all y heart once I find someone to trust (not easy I know), so I do understand where you are coming from.
Enjoy your beautiful family while you heal some of your hurt, they are what really matters when it comes down to it.
xo
Yeah, I am much like you in the caring department. It really kills me when someone does one of those backbiting things (which happened a bunch of times 2003-2006 and has me very hesitant to open up to people still).
I agree with Michelle, and I tend to stick with the family in these instances. Thankfully, my new husband seems to be loyal, kind and honest. Knock on wood.
Take care, and know there are folks out there who like you as you are, even if we disagree on some things or have differences!
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