6/20/05
Getting out!
I got a call today reminding me I need to get out! Being a stay at home mom is what I have always wanted to be...my career choice. At one time (I am sure I have mentioned this often) I was going to be a neurosurgeon/neurologist...all of my passions where in that area...heck they still are, but what I wanted my was to be a mom. And being the best mom to my future children really didn't include long hours in a hospital never seeing my children. So here I am. I have no regrets but sometimes I feel under appreciated, bored, tired and in desperate need to adult conversations beside that of my family.
So my best mate calls me, drunk, because not only did a bunch of punks steal ripening tomatoes from her patio, but decided to play target practise in the parking lot with the purloined fruit. I think she really decide to make friends with her alcoholic beverage of choice because her stove nearly killed her. She turned on the burner of her electric range and it shot out a bolt (yes a BOLT) of electricity and made a fist sized hole inher best pasta pot. Did I mention said friend has a pacemaker?? Not that a healthy heart could have withstood such a "shock", but it is enough to make even a saint drink.
In her ramblings, cause she was drunk she invited us to her first gig as a drummer (I am so proud!) this Saturday. Can I go...I WANT to. But can we go? J works...comes home tired...what to do with the kids? Especially the one still attached to my breast....although she can be left for a a few hours...but not always. Sigh. I miss hanging with my mates.
I guess it's because it's our five year anniversary...I've never been with any man for that long...heck before J. my longest relationship was a week and a half. It's the pressures of motherhood and my plain exhaustion...and desperation. My house is NEVER EVER clean. I try very hard every day but each day I fail...and sometimes I can get it clean...it's lasts less than a day and I have worn myself out getting it clean that I am too tired to start all over. Sigh.
And it's not that I want to go out and get pissed drunk...heck I am not sure what I want. Even sleep isn't enough...I still wake up exhausted. Mom thinks it might be my thyroid...possibly...it's not like every women in my family doesn't have a throid problem. But I don't want that to be the answer either...I don't like pills.
I just need some affirmation I guess--an outlet. But i always feel so behind...I feel like I don't have time for that outlet...just a few rows of knitting here and there, but nothing to satisfy that craving for deep creativity. And a way to go would help to...despite be failing miserable at being a housekeeper.
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(emotion filled silence for the silver pants) But at least they gave the mirrorball from hell issues it'll never forget.
I broke out the Docs for the practice gig, they ARE certainly empowering. The soles are withering away. Sigh.
