12/14/05

Worried

I finally finished the gifts that I had to do by well today. All I have left is things that have to be done by Christmas...homegrown gifts.

I spent last evening looking for patterns for helmet liners. And it's beginning to hit me that in just a month or so, Phil is going to Afghanistan. And Craig, the idiot, dropped out of LPN school and will ship out soon as well...not sure where yet. It really scares me that they will BOTH be in fighting situtations at the same time. I am now finding it hard to watch any sort of shows or movies about war, soldiers, et al. I am very proud of my brother's for signing up...but I can still be scared.

Now that this gift rush is over, I can breathe a bit and clean up my house. It is a disgrace...even more so than usual. And as you can tell I am procrasitating instead cleaning.

I am feeling a bit nervous about the boys shipping out. I remember a dream (if you can call what I had a dream, I was awake when I had it) I had when I was 18 about one of my brother's dying in war. I am praying to god that I was just a hysterical child, not anything else. It felt so real and it hurt so badly.

So I'll knit them some caps and helmet liners and hope that the love I knit into them will keep them safe.

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