Dark Heart
by Birdwell
6/8/06

Skinny Rant

It’s the other side no really talks about because…well I am not sure why. Maybe it’s because it’s a minority problem, or even a problem many people wish they had. Maybe because we’re afraid of being rude or offending others not “blessed” as we are.

It’s the skinny problem. That hated 6 letter word. It sounds horrid—it rings in my ears-reminding me of the taunts from my school days. I much prefer the terms “slender”, “willowy”, even “lanky”…anything BUT “skinny” even thin grates on my nerves.

As I am writing this I am wondering if this blog entry will generate my first ever hate mail. Not many understand this problem. Most often it’s “You are SO lucky!!!” or “You must have an eating disorder.” Even doctors tell me not to worry and if I want to flesh out eat more ice cream or just do the opposite of what the diet mags tell ya.

But man it’s been a torment…sure sometimes it’s nice not to worry about eating anything I want whenever I want…but mostly it’s a pain. It’s a myth that skinny girls are popular—I sure wasn’t. More often than not I was accused of having an eating disorder. Never mind finding clothes that fit! It’s a pain when you’re built like a twig. Thru out high school I wore a size 8. I have NEVER been a size eight. But I wanted to be average so much I convinced myself that I fit into a size 8…more like drowned in a size 8. I never saw the great figure I had, nor did anyone else because it was hidden under baggy clothes and long, flowy skirts (more like 3 or 4—to add girth).

Why this rant now? Well, one of the first things my mom exclaimed when I got to DC was how skinny I looked. And man she wouldn’t drop it—on and on she went….yeah mom I am skinny…but not much I can do about it I thought to myself. I already eat a lot…although I have been majorly stressed out and when I am stressed I do forget to eat. But when I do eat…I fill up my plate, my over sized dinner plate. Everyone that knows me knows that not only are carbs my best friend, but candy is my lover. Okay…I went along and blamed stress for my 95 pound bag of bones. And I was feeling pretty down about my body—my boobs seem teeny weeny right now since Lorelei has been weaned. Pre-prego weight was 99 and once a while ago I was 107…my personal best—read heaviest. Anyway then I read responses to an article in Self Magazine and it hit several chords. The article was in February 2006 issue of Self, all about Ellen Pompeo (from Grey's Anatomy) and her jack rabbit metabolism and having to eat 3,000 calories a day just to maintain the 100 pounds on her 5 foot 7 frame (that’s just any inch taller than me). In the April issue Self published some of the many many negative comments about the article. All being hurtful, if you are skinny you must be starving your self (read shallow) and Self shouldn’t support these these thin ladies that come from a thin obessed culture. And it’s not fair having to hear the woes of ladies that can’t gain weight when so many can’t seem to lose it or do have a true eating disorder. Sorry but no where have I found acceptance for being skinny. Shoes don’t fit my thin feet and it took me 15 years to find jeans that actually FIT.

I guess I wish there was a place to rant-without having to be "polite"- and also find info on how to gain or maintain weight healthfully. Well I have my blog so I can rant here…

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