1/24/10
Weird Dreams
The past couple days I have been having weird dreams...the kind that make you get out of bed because you can't go back to sleep. My dreams are something to pay attention to. If I have nightmares it's because there's something troubling me. Many times my dreams come true. Most times they are just fun and weird: me exploring things I like that I can't explore when I am awake (like my dreams about famouz bloggers).
I always have had recurring dreams, sort of like serials. I spend the first half of the dream confused because I can't remember what happened in the dream before. I haven't had a real night mare in YEARS...I only have one kind and it's harrowing. Even when I am awake I don't like thinking or talking about it, because it's just that disturbing. For awhile now, I've been having weird dreams about high school; always running late for class or realising that I have been skipping for weeks and I have SO MUCH to catch up on. I am always very afraid of what my teachers will say or do when I waltz in the classroom door.
Ever since I got married and had kids I have wondered am I dreaming? Will I wake up from this wonderous perfection?
This week has been extraordinarily tough. Almost as tough as Austin I, when I left home for the University of Texas at Austin. Back then a lot of illusions where shattered and hard truths where born out of the ashes. It was like a building falling down around me. This week felt like getting hit by a two by four, then before I could get up I get hit by a re-bar, and finally when I regain consciousness I get hit by a brick. Of course all that fun-ness let my deep buried rage (the WHY I named this blog "Black Heart") bubble over. It was a fun hurricane while it lasted let me tell you. Thank god I have amazing friends and an awesome husband.
So really it's not surprising that I have been having weird dreams and insomnia. But it did make me wonder about this whole what if I was really dreaming? And what if I woke up back in 1995 (or whenever) and I remembered everything? What if? And what if I could prove in small ways that what I dreamed actually happened. Things I know now about back then that I didn't know back then.
The mind boggles.
I tell you want, if I woke up and I was still in high school, I would dump early morning seminary and get to sleep before 11, because the sleep deprivation took nearly 10 years to recover from. It was 5 years before I could close my eyes without instantly falling asleep. I was like a bleeding parrot: darkness the room and zzzzzzzzzz.
Labels: dreams
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